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Well, guys and girls.I’m back for my next post. I was thinking about what to post for over a week now,and I suddenly got an idea.Last Thursday, I was watching Gladiator on HBO. Its one of my favorite movies and Russell Crowe’s acting, combined with the story really made me its die-hard fan. Meanwhile, my folks were watching a DVD of Surya’s ‘Ghajini’, a remake of ‘Memento’. It struck me as bad(suddenly I became a movie purist :P) how directors,who were supposed to be thinking of stories on their own,mercilessly remake good films and produce totally pathetic ones.I was really intrigued by how they would get such an idea of remaking a movie.So I started thinking how the directors would think and what they ll produce when they remake some English movies.

(All the following movies are the Indian versions of the original movies.Those who haven’t yet watched these movies,I suggest you do that before reading this post or else you may lose the interest to see the actual movie,after reading this :)).

(DISCLAIMER: This post is meant entirely for the purpose of Humor.Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.The titles have been changed so as to be exempted from Tax by the Government of Tamil Nadu)

(Btw Try to correlate these with the original English movie.Only then will you be able to appreciate the ‘creative brain’ of our Tamil Directors :P. The movie titles are my own Tamil Translations of the original English movies.So don’t get confused by the title.)

“Tihar Thandanai”
The Hero is a Mechanical engineer who has graduated from IIT Madras. He marries a perfect Tamil girl who hails from the interior,culture-rich regions of Tamil Nadu.A song sequence,“Vechikkava Unnamttum…” which is shot in the Swiss Alps,with the Hero wearing a tuxedo and his wife wearing a dress which you would normally see someone wearing in the summer season,and also with foreign babes who dont know anything about Indian Music being made to dance as extras,is inserted meaninglessly. In the middle of their happy life, a dogmatic,selfish politician lets loose a wave of terror, killing the Hero’s wife, and also imprisoning our Hero in the deadly Tihar Jail by blaming him for the murder. The Hero,who is now full of implacable revenge, slowly adjusts with prison life,building up a ‘pazham’ image with his sepulchral mood. Then,suddenly,without any explanation,the story is taken forward 25 years and the politician is killed by being boiled in a ‘ennai chatti’ with the words ‘kabeemkubam’ inscribed in blood. Then further investigation comes to show that the killer is actually our Hero,who has somehow managed to drill a hole from his prison cell,which led right to the politician’s ‘chinna veedu’ guest house,where he was ‘roasted’.So in the end, the Hero wins.(Nice Masala!)

“Maaveeran No 1”
This story dates back to the period of the Pandiya Dynasty,which is being ruled by a despotic king.The Hero, is his army ‘Thalapathi’ ,who gets expelled from the country for playing ‘gilli danda’ with the queen. A song sequence “Vidukathaiya…” follows,which the Hero sings as he is being humiliated and expelled. He spends 7 1/2 years in exile(dont ask me why i chose that number) and comes back to the country with a vengeance towards the ruler.Luckily for him,the king has arranged a ‘fight-in’ job selection process where ppl have to fight each other to earn a place in the army. The Hero signs up for it by paying the membership fee,which he earns by dancing in a local bar along with the Heroine(with whom he instantly falls in love.aprom song sequence, blah blah blah..) Finally,he comes face to face with the king,and an engrossing duel follows,where the two of them fight each other with astonishing moves that would make Bruce Lee look like a 1st grade student. Finally,the Hero kills the king and as he dies, the Hero says “Lakalakalakala..” and the movie ends.

“Adhisaya Manidhan”
This is an attempt at making a futuristic sci-fi movie. There is a Hero robot,and a female robot who is the villain. The Heroine, is being targeted by the villain as she will be the key to creating a nice future.The budget for this movie exceeds the gross GDP of the United States of America.The movie centrally revolves around the fight sequences between the Hero and the Villain which take place on the wings of a plane, under 20000ft of sea water, and also in outer-space where the both of them race in rockets as if they were driving on ECR. Finally the Hero destroys the cyborg assasin by simply making it gobble up a micro-chip TNT inside a Britannia Biscuit,and when it dies,the background music ‘Ting ting ti ting’, remixed with some peppy notes by Yogi B, echoes throughout the theatre.Then as all Tamil movies end,The Heroine finds herself in love with the Hero who saved her life,and even though he is a robot,they marry each other in a temple and lived happily ever after.

“Hari Porter”
This movie was released with the intention of drawing young kids to the theatres.Hari is a young kid in the slums of Mumbai.His father was a magician in the “Royal Bombay Circus” who died of a heart attack,leaving Hari his entire magic set(a hat and a rabbit).Hari was all alone now.Luckily he found two friends Ram and Harini, who were also orphans. They joined a magic troop in Mumbai where they came across an evil manager who used young children to make money. Hari and his friends decided to kill him and they decided to use all the magic they knew.When the manager came to know of their plan,he set out to kill the kids.After a long battle, Hari cast the most deadly spell he knew in magic- “Gee Boom BAAAAAA” – and the magician ran away in terror and was never to be seen ever after.

In the year 2008, in Chennai there were two powerful dadas:“Vedigundu Veerappan” and “Aruva Aarumugam”,who ruled North Chennai and South Chennai respectively.Vedigundu Veerappan had a beautiful wife who ran away with Aruva Aarumugam’s son, Motta Munusamy. Veerappan then declared a war against Aarumugam to teach him a lesson. The war took place in the battlefield called Ayodhyakuppam,where there was no shortage of weapons and which was right outside the Police Headquarters of Tamil Nadu. Both sides fought a bloody and tough battle which went on for 8 years. The main characters were Aarumugam and Blade Pakkiri, who fought for Veerappan and who had never lost a fight. Finally, in order to end this battle once and for all, Veerappan creates a master plan.He tells his men to make a huge statue of Namitha and asks them to hide inside it.Then his men present it to Aarumugam as a birthday gift. Unsuspectingly,Aarumugam’s men start drinking and dancing(some gilma also :)) with the song “Kathazha Kannala” in the background. Unseen by everyone, Namitha’s mouth opens and all the men hiding inside it run out and start killing the drunken men.Aarumugam is killed in his bathroom whereas Munusamy,who was the cause of everything, was punished once again by “GarudaPuranam” (same director :P). So, Veerapan’s wife was taken back and enslaved by her former husband who married her sister and continued to live happily…

August 2009
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